We interrupt this program to bring you some breaking news just in from our sports desk.
Sports stars don't care about you.
They just don't. Sorry.
So I don't see why we should care about them either. And I certainly don't see why we should spend our time watching them when we could be using that time to do something for ourselves instead.
When I was growing up, I was infamous for having never been to watch a sports match, or even having watched one on TV. My friends used to have a running joke that if the phone rang during "The Game," it would either be a woman or Nick. Not much has changed, because I still haven't ever watched a match of any kind.
Does this mean I'm anti-sports? Not really. After all, I wouldn't be writing these blogs if I weren't a believer in an active, healthy lifestyle. But I've just never seen the appeal in watching other people being fit and having a good time, and even paying for the "privilege." What's it going to get me?
You'd think that people would have started wondering why more and more of us are out of shape and unhealthy than ever before even though the "sports industry" has never been bigger. You'd also think people might have realised that buying tickets and wearing expensive "official T-shirts" with team logos on them wasn't really going to turn them into healthy athletes. But they haven't.
Something else that always makes me laugh is when I hear fans bragging about how, "We won the match!" or about how, "My team are the champions!"
Um, I hate to break it to you, but "we" didn't win anything. A small, elite group of people won the match, and like I said at the start, they don't care about you! And I'm sorry to be the bearer of even more bad news, but there is no "my team" either. Unless you happen to be a billionaire, you don't have a sports team.
Of course, you're free to disagree with me here. But if you think I'm wrong, please conduct the following experiment. I'd like you to: a) Try getting onto the field to shake the hands of your idols, b) Try joining the players in the locker room after a successful game, or c) Attempt to get into one of the celebratory parties at their mansions. Just explain to security that you're there because "we" won the championship and you've come to celebrate with "my team" and it should all be fine.
What I find funniest of all is the way fans get into violent street fights over the teams they support so proudly. They never stop to think that the players themselves don't quite share that allegiance these days, do they? They switch teams and loyalties as frequently as many politicians change their stories. What's even more amusing is that off the field, the rival players are probably all great friends, mixing in the same circles, going to the same parties aboard the same yachts – all the while laughing at the idiots who are willing to end up in jail, or dead, for the honour of being their "supporters."
Still, I guess I shouldn't complain too much about this. After all, it does have its advantages. Every now and then, the health club I go to will be packed with members sitting in the club bar watching "The Game" on a big plasma-screen TV. I love when that happens, because it means the gym itself will be empty, and all the equipment will be free for me to use. But I still can't help wondering WTF those people have come there for. Do they really join a gym so they can sit there watching a match on TV while they shove beer and chips down their throats? (Could that be, I wonder, part of the reason why they never see any results even though they've been members for years, and even have personal trainers who they pay a fortune for "motivation?")
Like I said earlier, this post doesn't mean I'm against the idea of sports at all. Sports are great and all that, but they're great for people who actually play them.
And I'm also not against the idea of being a fanatic. This may be surprising because, as you may have heard, the word fan is allegedly derived from the word fanatic. I'm certainly fanatical about what I do, and I think you need to be if you want to get anywhere. But please, if you're going to be a fanatic, for God's sake, be a fanatic about something that you do. Not about something that you watch other people doing. Especially not when they don't care about you.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.

